Blogging Hiatus - Part 2

And so it continues:

4-27-10: I heard the baby cry and I remember the anesthesiologists... well for lack of a better word, yell at the pediatric doctors to get baby boy to the operating table so I could see him, but I didn't get to see him, I was under general anesthesia, all went dark, but I knew my baby was okay. I woke up hours later in the PACU, the post anesthesia care unit, I could not move. My arms were immobile due to the needles placed in each one at the elbow, my legs were immobile due to the epidural and due to the fact that balloon catheters were placed in the arteries supplying blood to my uterus, which was now gone. I had been cut open from pubic bone to a few inches above my naval...

4-28-10: It's my anniversary. My nurse braided my hair because it was making me itch. I still haven't been to the NICU to see baby boy, he still doesn't have a name. I feel like I am willing my body to heal. I'm not one to meditate but I visualize my insides moving back to where they belong. I picture my incision fading away. But truthfully, not only am I physically unable to look at my incision, I am terrified to see what has been done to me. Murry visits with pictures of our little one, who is doing well.

4-29-10: It took me 36 hours but I am finally able to see baby boy who is now called Eli.

5-1-10: My discharge from the hospital is bittersweet. I am so happy to be going home to my Emron and my Murry, and let's face it, my bed. But I am leaving little Eli alone in the hospital, and I know better than most that there's really no place worse than hospitals, except maybe prison...

5-21-10: I've lost count of the number of discharge dates that have come and gone but today is the day that I've been dreaming of and praying for: Eli is coming home! If I were still pregnant I would be 38 weeks into my pregnancy, but I'm not and Eli has been with us, though not in our home, for four weeks. I most excited to not have to split my time between home and the hospital, or another way to look at it, between Emron and Eli with 80 minutes of drive time sandwiched in the middle. I cannot thank my friends and family enough, especially Emily, for helping with meals, cleaning and taking care of my big boy.

5-24-10: Because Murry has taken so much time off prior to Eli coming home, he's at work while I negotiate two little ones at the doctors office. I leave feeling like a super mom, a feeling that I'll soon learn only comes a goes!

6-29-10: Eli is getting bigger and bigger, and cuter and cuter! Emron loves his little brother... We still are sleeping, if you can call it sleeping, on pins and needles, listening for little Eli noises. Knowing he's my last little one makes me eat up our precious moments with a fervor I didn't know I had. Sweet, sweet Emron is on constant guard making sure my tummy doesn't hurt. He asks almost daily if I need to go back to the hospital. He tells me the doctors will make it better, I tell him it is better, but my heart still hurts when I think about my infertility.

7-15-10: It's my birthday! This is the first year I feel really old. The events of the last year still weigh heavily on me but I am so thankful to be home, with Eli. Everyone is healthy and happy and I love my little family of four. I also love being the princess of the house, because with a home full of boys, I'll always be the princess! Murry and I are able to go out for dinner without the boys for my birthday. It's a good break since adjusting to two little guys has been harder than I expected!